I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
