We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
