Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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