I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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