I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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