Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
