Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
