i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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