The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize