So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
