I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
