I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
