his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
