I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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