Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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