Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
