Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
