i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
