i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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