I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
