Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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