my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
