dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize