If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
