whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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