I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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