Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
