maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A bitchslap is in order.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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