but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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