at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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