I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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