I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
