i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize