My sheets look like a crime scene.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
did i just pee glitter
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
