I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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