Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
