Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize