Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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