My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
