This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
