he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
