im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
