I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
