I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
