It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
