once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
