someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
