In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
