At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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