It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
