He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
