Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
