You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
