Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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