I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
