i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
