im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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