I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
