I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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