loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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