Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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