She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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