dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
