i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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