i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
