dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize