you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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